Babies and Old People

Babies and old people are the same. Their defenses are low. Their guard is down. They depend on us. They sleep curled up. They shit and piss on themselves. They are wise and idiotic at the same time. They know nothing and everything.

Birth and death are the same. The are each REALLY normal, and they are each REALLY weird. They each involve a lot of "Is this the night? I hope so!" and "Is this the night? I hope not, I'm not ready." Next day, same chatter, until birth or death really does come. Then tears and laughter. And when we witness birth or death we know about holiness- wonder, mystery, love, joy and peace. And we momentarily know way more about life than we just did or are soon about to. (Maybe holiness is too quiet and we need life's noise to assure us we are really alive).

So if babies and old people are the same, and birth and death are the same, where does that leave me? I am, of course, a baby and old person, but for now I'll pretend like I'm something else, what I don't always know. A grownup? An adolescent? If I feel like an adolescent ("If you knew how good I really am you would be jealous and you wouldn't like me", or "If you knew how bad I really am and how dark are my shadows you wouldn't like me") I probably won't tell you about it, at least not until it's gone. If it's dark in the middle of the night and I am lonely, confused, and scared, I may not tell you until there's sunlight.

Meanwhile, I'll just pretend I'm not really a baby or an old person. I'll yell or hide, or both. "Look at me! I'm alive! I'm important!" Or perhaps, "Leave me be-I'm bad, I'm ashamed, I'm naked." But of course I'm not naked-can't you see all the layers I'm wearing? They keep sunlight out and sunlight in. Only babies and old people are bare in life's sunlight without self-consciousness or guilt. Shameless!!

Shameless and bare in the sunlight?!! Hmm.



Lew Nerenberg
July 20, 2004